COFFEE HUMOR

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WELCOME CAFFIENDS!

FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR / HUMOUR & JOKES: a 65-year plus collection.

Compiled by Daniel Worona "Rara Avis."

COFFEE HUMOR SAYINGS and COFFEE JOKES (COFFEE QUOTES AND PUNS, COFFEE FUN RECIPES, LATTE, CUPPA JOE, CAFFEINE & EXPESSO LAUGHS):

1. MEN ARE LIKE COFFEE. THE BEST ONES ARE RICH, WARM AND KEEP YOU UP ALL NIGHT LONG.

2. COFFEE JOKE: AN OVERWEIGHT MAN WAS COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW COFFEE MADE HIM NERVOUS. I SAID WHY DON'T YOU QUIT DRINKING COFFEE. HE SAID, "BECAUSE IF I DIDN'T HAVE THE SHAKES, I WOULDN'T GET ANY EXERCISE AT ALL."

3. HONEY, THE COFFEE ISN'T HELPING. GET THE JUMPER CABLES.

4. I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH CAFFEINE. I HAVE A PROBLEM WITHOUT IT!!!

5. COFFEE, CHOCOLATE AND MEN ARE SO MUCH BETTER RICH.

6. COFFEE JOKE: DID YOU HEAR THE STORY ABOUT THE COFFEE? NEVER MIND. IT'S STEAMY HOT STUFF.

7. SHE'S LIKE YESTERDAY'S COFFEE... --A LITTLE WEAK IN THE BEAN.

8. COFFEE JOKE: A MAN WENT TO HIS DOCTOR AND SAID, "EVERY TIME I DRINK COFFEE, I GET A STABBING PAIN IN MY RIGHT EYE." HIS DOCTOR SAID, "WELL, HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TAKING THE SPOON OUT OF THE CUP FIRST?"

9. Coffee humor button: I DON'T DO DECAF.

10. Coffee humor buton: JAVALICIOUS.

11. The good old days: REMEMBER WHEN WE WOULD TALK OUT OUR PROBLEMS OVER COFFEE AND A CIGARETTE? NOW THEY ARE THE PROBLEMS.



HoW To KeEp A HeALthY LEveL Of iNsANiTy aNd dRiVE OtHEr pEopLe iNsAnE: At the office put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.



Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.





COFFE HUMOR AND COFFEE JOKES: A 65-YEAR PLUS COLLECTION.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE DRINKING TOO MUCH COFFEE WHEN...

1. YOUR COFFEE CUP IS INSURED BY LLOYDS OF LONDON.

2. YOUR ONLY SOURCE OF NUTRITION COMES FROM "SWEET & LOW."

3. YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR EYES OPEN.

4. YOU THINK BEING CALLED A "DRIP" IS A COMPLIMENT.

5. YOU WALK TEN MILES ON YOUR TREADMILL BEFORE YOU REALIZE IT'S NOT PLUGGED IN.

6. JUAN VALDEZ NAMED A DONKEY AFTER YOU.

7. YOU ANSWER THE DOOR BEFORE PEOPLE KNOCK.

8. YOU NAME YOUR CATS "CREAM" AND "SUGAR."

9. YOU CAN OUTLAST THE ENERGIZER BUNNY.

10. YOU GO TO AA MEETINGS JUST FOR THE FREE COFFEE.


Please visist my DIET HUMOR AND CHOCOLATE HUMOR website: (The number one DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKES website in the world): www.danworona.50megs.com 




Please visit my FAVORITE LINKS PAGE  to see my other humor Web sites and if you speak Spanish you will  love my MEXICAN FOLKLORE HUMOR site (in Spanish). http://danworona.bappy.com  

For the best DIET HUMOR and DIET JOKE site on the Web, see the information below.

Thank you for visiting my FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR site. I commend your good taste. I hope you will tell your friends.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

(Please include the words FOOF HUMOR or DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, othwise it will be deleted and unread.)

YOU CAN SLEEP WHEN YOU'RE DEAD






1. GIVEN ENOUGH COFFEE, I COULD RULE THE WORLD.

2. COFFEE, n. break fluid.

3. IF IT AIN'T CAFFEINATED, IT AIN'T COFFEE.

4. A MORNING WITHOUT COFFEE IS LIKE SLEEP.

5. A MORNING WITHOUT COFFEE IS MOURNING.
--Woriginal by Daniel L. Worona.

6. A MORNING WITHOUT COFFEE IS A TIME FOR MOURNING.  --Woriginal by Daniel L. Worona

7.  Waitress: WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR COFFEE BLACK? 
Customer:  WHAT OTHER COLORS DO YOU HAVE?





COFFEE JOKE:

Q: What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?

A: Java the Hutt!



COFFEE JOKE:

“Hey barista, how much for a cup of coffee?” says a customer. “Two dollars,” replies the barista, “and refills are free.” “Great. Then I’ll have a refill,” answers the customer.



COFFEE JOKE:

Q: What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop you’re sure you’ve been to before?

A: Déjà brew.



COFFEE JOKE:

Q: Why should you be wary of 5-cent espresso?

A: It’s a cheap shot.



COFFEE JOKE:


Starbucks or Victoria Secrets?…..

Who charges more per cup?



COFFEE JOKE:

Q: What’s the technical name for a pot of coffee at work?

A: Break fluid.



COFFEE JOKE:

A man walks into a coffee shop carrying a big chunk of asphalt under his arm. At the counter he says, “I’ll take a large latte for myself, please, and one for the road.”



COFFEE JOKE:

Q: How does Moses make his coffee?

A: He brews.



COFFEE JOKE:

HUSBAND: Honey, this coffee tastes like dirt.

WIFE: That’s not surprising, dear, it was just ground this morning.



COFFEE JOKE:

Q: Why are men are like coffee?

A: The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!



HIGH TECH COFFEE JOKE:

Q: How does a tech guy drink coffee?

A: He installs Java!



COFFEE JOKE:

Q: What did the caffeine addict name her cats?

A: Cream and Sugar.



COFFEE PUN:

Q: What did the Brazilian coffee say to the Indonesian coffee?

A: “What’s Sumatra with you?”



COFFEE JOKE:

Q: What do Chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?

A: They are all better rich!



COFFEE JOKE:

 Q: What’s it called when you steal someone’s coffee?

A: Mugging!



COFFEE JOKE:

Soup of the day: Coffee.



COFFEE JOKE:

Q: What do you call sad coffee?

A: Despresso.



COFFEE JOKE:

Q: How do you make Pig Jerky?

A: Give them some coffee.



COFFEE JOKE:

Q: What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?

A: I asked for coffee.



COFFEE JOKE:

The worst part of waking up from a nap is coffee in your lap!



COFFEE JOKE:

Barista: How do you take your coffee?

Coffee Addict: Very, very seriously.



COFFEE JOKE:

‘Ever notice that when you serve someone a cold cup of coffee, it makes them boiling mad?



COFFEE JOKE:

Q: What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic

A: Sanka.



COFFEE JOKE:

If the local coffee shop has awarded you “Employee of the Month” and you don’t even work there, you may be drinking too much coffee.



COFFEE JOKE:

Sleep is a weak substitute for coffee.



COFFEE JOKE:

Q: What’s the best Beatles song?

A: Latte Be!


COFFEE JOKE:

Q: How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?

A: You channel surf faster without the remote.



COFFEE JOKE:

A man went to his psychiatrist and said, “Every time I drink my coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my right eye,”

The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”



COFFEE JOKE:

Q: Why are Italians so good at making coffee?

A: Because they know how to espresso themselves.



COFFEE JOKE:

Q: Why is Starbucks removing the trans-fat from their menu? 


A: Because they want that Frappacino to pad your ass without clogging your arteries!



COFFEE JOKE:

A yawn is just a silent scream for coffee.



COFFEE JOKE:

Q: How did the hipster burn his tongue?

A: He drank his coffee before it was cool.



COFFEE JOKE:

If you say “Pumpkin Spice Latte” into a mirror three times, a white girl in yoga pants will appear and tell you all her favorite things about fall.



COFFEE JOKE:

Q: What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?

A: I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!


GROUNDS FOR PLEASURE

DIET HUMOR SAYINGS AND DIET JOKES: a 65-year plus collection.  I hope you will take time to enjoy and laugh off a few calories by visiting my world-famous DIET HUMOR SAYINGS AND DIET JOKES Web site. It has been the #1 DIET HUMOR Web site for twenty (20) consecutive years.

Please click on this active ("HOT") link to go there now:
http://www.danworona.50megs.com

Here is a tasty sample from my DIET HUMOR and DIET JOKES Web site: SOME PEOPLE ARE NO GOOD AT COUNTING CALORIES.... --AND HAVE THE FIGURES TO PROVE IT.


DISCLAIMER: If any of these  FOOD, DRINK, COFFEE, or DIET HUMOR SAYINGS & JOKES are in breach of copyright, I will willingly delete them and/or give proper credit.


IMAGE CREDITS: 1. COFFEE CUP: GLADSTONE.UOREGON.EDU
2. COFFEE SIGN: METAFILTER.COM
3. COFFEE CUPS AND POT: STENCILWITHSTYLE.COM



Coffee joke: I TOOK MY WIFE OUT FOR AN EIGHT-COURSE DINNER... A SEVEN-LAYER CAKE AND COFFEE.



COFFEE PRAYER (a.k.a. THE 23rd CUP)

Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze.
It maketh me to wake in green pastures;
It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.
It restoreth my buzz.
It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name's sake.
Yeah, though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Addiction,
I'll fear no Equal for thou art with me;
Thy cream and thy flavorings they comfort me.
Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of Juan Valdez.
Thou anointest my days with vigor; my mug runneth over.
Surely flavor and aroma shall follow me all the days of my life
and I will dwell in the House of Maxwell forever, and ever.
Amen!


YOU'VE HAD TOO MUCH COFFEE WHEN:
YOU CAN THREAD A SEWING MACHINE... WHILE IT IS RUNNING!!!


COPYRIGHT by DANIEL L. WORONA
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.


He has "searched the world" for more than 65-years for diet humor / humour, diet ditties, diet limericks, weight-loss humor, fat humour and diet slang. Daniel Worona has thousand's of original and unpublished diet humor sayings, diet cartoons,  and  diet word plays. NO ONE CAN EVEN COME CLOSE TO DULICATING THIS NONESUCH DIET HUMOR COLLECTION.
This is the FATTEST and best diet humor / humour collection in the world!!!


WORST CASE SCENARIO:

If for some reason my lifelong collection of more than... [I lost count long ago!] DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKES is never published, it will probably end up in a trash can.
 

Who loses?  Not me!   YOU DO!!!   BIG-TIME!!!

Why? Because I have had a ton of fun and a ton of laughs collecting it.


SEEKING LITERARY AGENT AND PUBLISHER: Please e-mail me if you can help. 

MY E-MAIL ADDRESS:

Yes, I will read your e-mail and diet jokes if you include the words FOOD HUMOR or DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.