CLEAN JOKES FOR KIDS

CLEAN JOKES FOR KIDS & KIDS HUMOR

1,000 CLEAN JOKES FOR KIDS:

It includes the following categories: FOOD, DRINK, CANDY, DIET (Yes, we have chubby kids), CHOCOLATE, and BARBECUE HUMOR. In general, any topic related to FOOD, DRINK, or DIET, but especially for "kidz".

--Mr. BIG KID: DANIEL WORONA "Rara Avis"

Please continue for lots of laughs, and ha ha's.

CANDY JOKE:

Q: WHAT COUNTRY DID CANDY COME FROM?
A: SWEETEN

COOKING JOKE:
Q: WHY ARE COOKS SO CRUEL?
A: BECAUSE THEY BEAT THE EGGS AND WHIP THE CREAM.

VEGETABLE JOKE:
Q: HOW DO YOU FIX A BROKEN PIZZA?
A: WITH TOMATO PASTE.

CHOCOLATE JOKE:
Q: HOW CAN YOU KEEP FROM GETTING A SHARP PAIN IN YOUR EYE WHEN YOU DRINK CHOCOLATE MILK?
A: TAKE THE SPOON OUT OF THE GLASS.

DIETING JOKE:

Q: WHAT DO SEVEN DAY OF DIETING DO?

A: THEY MAKE ONE WEAK (WEEK).

CHOCOLATE TONGUE TWISTER: A CHEEKY CHIMP CHUCKED CHEAP CHOCOLATE CHIPS IN THE CHEAP CHOCOLATE CHIP SHOP.

OVERWEIGHT JOKE:

Q: WHAT DO YOU GET IF YOU CROSS AN OVERWEIGHT GOLFER AND A PAIR OF VERY TIGHT PANTS?

A: A HOLE IN ONE.

DOUGHNUT JOKE:

Q: WHY DID THE DONUT GO TO THE DENTIST?

A: IT NEEDED A CHOCOLATE FILLING.

DRINK JOKE:

Q: WHICH IS THE FUNNIEST SODA?

A: JOKE-A-COLA.

DRINK JOKE:

Q: WHERE CAN YOU GET MILKSHAKES?

A: FROM NERVOUS COWS.

TONGUE TWISTERS:

1. Q: WHAT IS WORST THAN A TONGUE TWISTER?
A: A TONGUE TWISTER WHILE CHEWING BUBBLE GUM.

Try this one while chewing bubble gum:
DOUBLE BUBBLE GUM, BUBBLES DOUBLE.

2. A GOOD COOK COULD COOK AS MANY COOKIES AS A GOOD COOK COULD COOK COOKIES.

3. FRESHLY-FRIED FAT FRYING FISH.

JOKE QUOTE:

DOGS LOOK UP TO YOU AND CATS LOOK DOWN ON YOU. GIVE ME A PIG. HE JUST LOOKS YOU IN THE EYE AND TREATS YOU LIKE AN EQUAL.

A BIG KID JOKE (For your mom and dad):

THE EASY WAY TO TEACH CHILDREN THE VALUE OF MONEY IS TO BORROW FROM THEM.

Do you have a SQUEAKY CLEAN KIDS JOKE, THANKSGIVING FOOD JOKE, FITNESS JOKE, or a CHRISTMAS FOOD JOKE you would like to share? Please e-mail me "Mr. Big Kid":

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

(Please include the words CLEAN JOKES FOR KIDS in the Subject line.) If this HOT link does not work for you please use your regular e-mail service.

WARNING: More tee hee, hilarious, ho ho, ha ha humor and jokes for kids ahead. Please continue for JOKE QUOTES and KIDS HUMOROUS T-SHIRT SAYINGS.

Click on this "HOT"/active link to return to DANIEL WORONA'S world famous DIET HUMOR SAYINGS & JOKES website: http://danworona.50megs.com

This has been the #1 DIET HUMOR Web site in the world for quarter century.

100 CLEAN, NOT MEAN JOKES FOR KIDS:

AN OUT OF THIS WORLD JOKE:

Q: Where should a 500-pound alien go?

A: On a diet.

DOG JOKE FOR KIDS:

Q: What did the Dalmatian say after lunch?

A: That hit the spot.

WEIGHT LOSS HUMOR FOR KIDS:

Q: How does a snowman lose weight?

A: He waits for the weather to get warmer.

MILK SHAKE JOKE FOR KIDS:

Q: How do you make a milk shake?

A: Give it a good scare!

EASTER BUNNY PUN:

Q: How does the Easter bunny stay in shape?

A: Lots of eggs-ercise.

SCHOOL JOKE FOR KIDS:

Q: What candy do you eat on the playground?

A: Recess pieces.

BAKE A CAKE, JAKE?

Why did the little girl hit her birthday cake with a hammer?
It was a pound cake.

HOT CHOCOLATE PUN:

Q: Why did the chubby lady love to drink hot chocolate?

A: Because she was a cocoanut!

Q: What is a computer’s favorite snack?

A: Computer chips.

Q: Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?

A: Because he was stuffed.

Q: What is a monster’s favorite dessert?

A: I scream.

Q: What do cakes and baseball teams have in common?

A: They both need a good batter.

PIZZAROONI JOKE:

Q: Waiter, will my pizza be long?

A: No sir, it will be round!

Q: When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

A: When you’re a mouse.

Q: Who isn’t hungry at Thanksgiving?

A: The turkey. He’s already stuffed.

101 + JOKES FOR KIDS:

KID FRIENDLY JOKES.

KNOCK, KNOCK JOKE FOR KIDS:

Knock, Knock.

Who’s there?

Isma.

Isma who?

Isma dinner ready yet?

KNOCK, KNOCK JOKE FOR KIDS:

Knock, Knock.

Who’s there?

Leaf.

Leaf who?

Leaf me alone.

KNOCK, KNOCK JOKE FOR KIDS:

Will you remember me in 20 years?

Yes.

Will you remember me for one year?

Yes.

Will you remember me tomorrow?

Yes.

Will you remember in two minutes?

Yes.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

You forgot me already!

CHEESE JOKE FOR KIDS:

Q: What do you call cheese that is not yours?

A: Nacho cheese.

ELEPHANT JOKE FOR KIDS:

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a potato?

A: Mashed potatoes.

DONUT JOKE FOR KIDS:

Q: What kind of nut has no shell?

A: A doughnut.

MONKEY JOKE FOR KIDS:

Q: What do you call a monkey that loves potato chips?

A: A chip monk.

AN AWFUL WAFFLE PUN:

Every morning I plan to make pancakes, but I keep waffling.

Q: What did one plate say to another plate?

A: Dinner is on me.

COOKIE JOKE FOR KIDS:

Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

A: Because he felt crummy! CAKE JOKE FOR KIDS:

Q: Which dessert is perfect for eating in bed?
A: A sheet cake.

McDonald’s JOKE FOR KIDS:

Q: Why doesn’t McDonald’s serve escargot (snails)?

A: It’s not fast food!

HAMBURGER JOKE FOR KIDS:

Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym

A: To get better buns!

RIDDLES FOR KIDS:

Q: If you have 12 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?

A: Big hands.

MONKEY JOKE FOR KIDS:

Q: What kind of key opens a banana?

A: A monkey.

CHOCOLATE JOKE FOR KIDS:

Q: How do you turn white chocolate into dark chocolate?

A: Turn off the light.

HUNGRY KID JOKE:

Q: How do you get a hungry kid on the roof?

A: You tell him the food is on the house.

ICE CREAM PUN FOR KIDS:

Q: Where do you learn how to make ice cream?

A: Sundae School.

BOLOGNA JOKE FOR KIDS:

Have you heard the story of the magic sandwich?

Never mind, it's just a bunch of baloney.

FAST FOOD JOKE FOR KIDS:

Q: What's a race car's favorite thing to eat for lunch?

A: Fast food!

A NUTTY WALNUT JOKE FOR KIDS:

Q: What is crazy and walks into the sides of buildings?
A: A wallnut.

APPLE JOKES FOR KIDS:

Q: What did the apple tree say to the farmer?

A: Stop picking on me!

DIET HUMOR FOR KIDS:

Q: What type of diet did the snowman go on?

A: The Meltdown Diet.

ELEPHANT JOKE FOR KIDS:

Q: What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

A: Stuck!

EGG JOKE FOR KIDS:

Q: Why do eggs hate jokes?

A: Because they crack up.

A DUCKY JOKE FOR KIDS:

Q: Why don’t ducks tell jokes when they fly?

A: They would quack up!

20+ KID-FRIENDLY JOKES:

FUNNY DINOSAUR JOKE FOR KIDS:

Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

A: Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.

FUNNY CANDY JOKE FOR KIDS:

Q: What three candies can you find in every school?

A: Nerds, DumDums, and Smarties.

FUNNY TEA JOKE FOR KIDS:

Q: What kind of tea is hard to swallow?

A: Reality.

1 RIDDLE FOR KIDS:

I am always running, but never get tired or hot. What am I?

Answer: The refrigerator.

FUNNY TIME TRAVELER PUN FOR KIDS:

Q: What did the Time Traveler do when he was still hungry after his last bite?

A: He went back four seconds.

Q: Why did the tomato turn red?

A: Because it saw the salad dressing!

HEAVY HUMOR FOR KIDS:

Q: What do you call two fat people having a chat?

A: A heavy discussion.

FUNNY FORTUNE TELLER PUN FOR KIDS:

Q: What do you call a fat psychic?

A: A four chin teller.

2+ CHUCK NORRIS JOKES FOR KIDS:

Chuck Norris once made a Happy Meal cry.

2 CHUCK NORRIS JOKES FOR KIDS:

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

FUNNY JOKES FOR KIDS:

Q: Where is rabbit's favorite place to eat?

A: IHOP.

FUNNY FROG JOKE FOR KIDS:

Q: What did the frog order at McDonald’s?

A: French flies and Diet Croak.

FUNNY DIET JOKE FOR KIDS:

Q: Where should a 600-pound lion go?

A: On a diet!

FUNNY FOOD JOKES FOR KIDS:

Q: What are the two things you can’t have for breakfast?

A: Lunch and dinner!

HILARIOUS DESSERT JOKE FOR KIDS:

Q: Where do you learn to make banana splits?

A: At sundae school.

FUNNY SOUP JOKE FOR KIDS:

Q: Is chicken soup good for your health?

A: Not if you're the chicken.

SPIDER-MAN JOKE FOR KIDS:

Q: Why did Spider-Man get in trouble with his mom?

A: He spent too much time on the web.

HOMER SIMPSON JOKES FOR KIDS:

Q: What's Homer Simpson's least favorite ingredient in pizza?

A: Dough!

HILARIOUS GODZILLA JOKE FOR KIDS:

Q: What time would it be if Godzilla came to school?

A: Time to run.

A FUNNY BUNNY RIDDLE FOR KIDS:

Q: What kind of bunny is cute and brown but can't hop

A: A chocolate bunny.

HAVE YOU VISITED THE FATTEST DIET HUMOR COLLECTION IN THE WORLD?

Daniel Worona's DIET HUMOR SAYINGS, DIET JOKES, DIET QUOTES, DIET DROPOUT HUMOR, and CHOCOLATE HUMOR. This is a 65-year plus collection compiled by yours truly.

This has been the #1 DIET HUMOR Web site in the world for a quarter-centuryon all of the major (honest) search engines!!! It is numero uno on most of the major search engines (the honest search engines), thanks to nice people like you.

Click on this "HOT"/active link to visit it now: http://www.danworona.50megs.com

DID YOU KNOW THAT THE MAJORITY OF MY FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR AND MY DIET HUMOR COLLECTION IS NOT FOUND ON THE INTERNET!!!

I HAVE A "GOLDMINE" OF DIET HUMOR AND DIET JOKES, HOWEVER, THIS COLLECTION WILL REMAIN "BURIED" UNTIL IT IS PROPERLY PUBLISHED IN BOOK FORM.

CAN YOU HELP ME FIND A PUBLISHER OR OFFER A SUGGESTION? IF SO, PLEASE E-MAIL ME.

A BIG THANKY, Daniel Worona

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.
(Please include the words FOOD HUMOR or DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, othwise it will be deleted and unread.)

KIDS JOKES GALORE:

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a dairy cow? ... peanut butter.

A KOOKY COOKY COOKIE JOKE:
Q: WHY DID THE COOKIE GO TO THE DOCTORS OFFICE?
A: BECAUSE IT WAS FEELING CRUMMY.

Q. Why were the screams coming from the kitchen ?
A. The cook was beating the eggs.  Q: What is the biggest ant?
A: An Elephant   GRADE SCHOOL JOKE (Old as the hills):

Q: WHAT HAS FOUR WHEELS AND FLIES?

A: A GARBAGE TRUCK.

Q:If a rooster laid a brown egg and a white egg, what kind of chicks would hatch?
A: None. Roosters Don't Lay Eggs!

Q: WHAT DOES A SLICE OF TOAST WEAR TO BED?
A: JAMMIES. (This space reserved for the KIDS JOKE you are going to send to me.)

JOKE QUOTES:

1. HOW TO EAT SPINACH LIKE A CHILD: Divide it into piles. Rearrange again into piles. Repeat four or five times, then sit back and say you are full.

2. (This space is reserved for the JOKE QUOTE you are going to send me.)

KIDS HUMOROUS T-SHIRTS:1. Glad I'm back in school. NOT!

2. LOOK AT ME!

3. I'M DRESSED. I'M OUTTA BED.
WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?

4. DON'T MAKE ME ANGRY. --THE HULK HAPPY JOKING!!!

Do you have a funny T-shirt saying or a funny quote? Please e-mail it to me. Please include the words KIDS JOKES in the Subject line.

(If this "HOT"/ active e-mail link does not work for you, please use your regular e-mail service.)

THE GOOD NEWS: Over the last 65-plus years I have collected tons of CLEAN JOKES FOR KIDS and tons of DIET HUMOR / HUMOUR sayings, and DIET JOKES and FOOD JOKES. Many of which are originals by yours truly.

THE BAD NEWS: You will not be able to enjoy the majority of my DIET HUMOR, FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR and lots of funny CLEAN JOKES FOR KIDS collection until I am properly published in book form.

CAN YOU HELP ME FIND A PUBLISHER, OR OFFER A SUGGESTION? IF SO, PLEASE E-MAIL ME.

CRANBERRY PUN:

Q: What is the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?

A: A pirate buries his treasure while a cranberry farmer treasures his berries!

BIRTHDAY CAKE JOKE:

Q: Why do we put candles on the top of a birthday cake?

A: Because putting them on the bottom doesn’t work!

Q: What’s the difference between a refrigerator and a newspaper?

A: Have you ever tried swatting a fly with a refrigerator?

FROGIE WOGIE JOKE:

Q: Why are frogs happy?

A: Because they eat whatever bugs them!

Q: What’s the best nation in the world?

A: Donation! Can you give me $20?

Q: Why do birds fly south in the winter?

A: Because it’s too far to walk!

Q: What happened when the wheel was invented?

A: It caused a revolution!

Q: Why are Superman’s suits so tight?

A: They’re all size ‘S’!

Q: What should you do if someone rolls their eyes at you?

A: Roll them back!

Q: How does a train eat?

A: Chew, chew!

KNOCK-KNOCK JOKE:

Knock-knock.

Who’s there?

Justin

Justin who?

Justin time for dinner!

DOCTOR JOKE:

Patient: Doctor, I’ve lost my memory.

Doctor: When did this happen?

Patient: When did what happen?

DOCTOR HUMOR:

Patient: Doctor, every time I drink hot chocolate, I get a stabbing pain in my eye.

Doctor: Try taking the spoon out first!

Q: What two sicknesses are the worst to have together?

A: Diarrhea and Alzheimer’s, you’re running but you don’t know where!

Q: Why did the dieter go to the paint store?

A: He wanted to get thinner.

My fat parrot died…

It was a real weight off my shoulder!

Q: What do you call a mad elephant?

A: An earthquake!

BRAIN TEASER FOR KIDS:

Q: What runs, but never walks, often murmurs but never talks, has a bed but never sleeps, has a mouth but never eats?

A: A river.

RIDDLE:

Q: I’m light as a feather, yet the strongest man can’t hold me for more than 5 minutes. What am I?

A: Your breath.

Q: What do you give a sick lemon?
A: A Lemon-aid.

I’LL PACK A LUNCH PUN:

Q: What did the alpaca say to his date?

A: “Want to go on a picnic? Alpaca lunch.”

Q: What do you call a lazy overweight boy?

A: A couch potato.

Q: What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?

A: A pouch potato.

I do not have a friend in the world to help me get published, EXCEPT YOU.Please tell your friends about my FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR website, and my DIET HUMOR website http://danworona.50megs.com .

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: If any of the CLEAN JOKES FOR KIDS jokes, or images are in breach of copyright, I will willingly remove them and/or give proper credit.

He has "searched the world" for more than 65-years for diet humor / humour, diet ditties, diet limericks, weight-loss humor, fat humour and diet slang. Daniel Worona has thousand's of original and unpublished diet humor sayings, diet cartoons, and diet word plays.

NO ONE CAN EVEN COME CLOSE TO DULICATING THIS DIET HUMOR COLLECTION.

This is the FATTEST and best diet humor / humour collection in the world!!!

Please visist my DIET HUMOR AND CHOCOLATE HUMOR website: (The number one DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKES website in the world): www.danworona.50megs.com

WORST CASE SCENARIO:

If for some reason my lifelong collection of DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKES is never published, it will probably end up in a trash can.

Who loses? Not me! YOU DO!!! BIG-TIME!!!

Why? Because I have had a ton of fun and a ton of laughs collecting it.

SEEKING LITERARY AGENT AND PUBLISHER: Please e-mail me if you can help.

MY E-MAIL ADDRESS:

Yes, I will read your e-mail and diet jokes if you include the words FOOD HUMOR or DRINK HUMOR or DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.